"HOW SHALL WE THEN LIVE?" Francis Schaeffer

Friday, October 21, 2005

100 not so great books

Eh (pause) NOT!                            (Found on thinklings.org)

100 Best Novels
By Jared @ 11:26 am |
It’s a little confusing because they’re titling it the All-Time 100 Best Novels, but then subtitle it “the Best 100 English-Language Novels Since 1923.” But here’s Time Magazine’s list.

The Adventures of Augie March   [SB had 5 kids, 5 different women – loser] Saul Bellow
All the King’s Men       [You loved it because you hated Nixon] Robert Penn Warren
American Pastoral    [  Liberals loved Roth] Philip Roth
An American Tragedy  [Pprobably a book about Republicans] Theodore Dreiser
Animal Farm               [ Way overated ] George Orwell
Appointment in Samarra   [ clueless here] John O’Hara
Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret  [Judy Blume? Gag me with a spoon] Judy Blume
The Assistant        [ I read it; didn’t stick with me] Bernard Malamud
At Swim-Two-Birds  [ Floating dead; one bird] Flann O’Brien
Atonement   [ Ian wouldn’t know atonement if he was crucified] Ian McEwan
Beloved       [  Hated;  it’s Toni “politically correct” Morrison] Toni Morrison
The Berlin Stories  [Never heard of ‘em] Christopher Isherwood
The Big Sleep  [ Oh yea,  R.C. could write and he did.  Great stuff] Raymond Chandler
The Blind Assassin   [ Not anywhere as good as The Blond Assassin] Margaret Atwood
Blood Meridian   [  yawn ] Cormac McCarthy
Brideshead Revisited  [ I don’t like books written by men with women’s names] Evelyn Waugh
The Bridge of San Luis Rey  [Much preferred Bridge over River Kwai] Thornton Wilder
Call It Sleep  [ Call it   ZZZZZZzzzzzzz ] Henry Roth
Catch-22        [ Had some hilarious perspectives but a dated 60’s book] Joseph Heller
The Catcher in the Rye  [  Oh Please;  elitist garbage; must read in H.S. ] J.D. Salinger
A Clockwork Orange  [ Movie was stupid ] Anthony Burgess
The Confessions of Nat Turner  [ Why didn’t Nat write it huh?] William Styron
The Corrections  [ a musical group? ] Jonathan Franzen
The Crying of Lot 49  [ Undoubtedly became a low rent chick flic ] Thomas Pynchon
A Dance to the Music of Time [ No dancing books please ] Anthony Powell
The Day of the Locust  [ Night of the roach – my nightmare ] Nathanael West
Death Comes for the Archbishop  [ The “bish” died huh.  Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy] Willa Cather
A Death in the Family  [ Three deaths would have made it a thriller ] James Agee
The Death of the Heart  [ Woman author, death, heart; it’s got to suck] Elizabeth Bowen
Deliverance  [ Caught the movie, missed the book] James Dickey
Dog Soldiers   [ Cat masseuse is a better book ] Robert Stone
Falconer   [  If you like birds…..  ] John Cheever
The French Lieutenant’s Woman  [“French” is in the title; ‘nuff said] John Fowles
The Golden Notebook  [ It says “chic book” all the way] Doris Lessing
Go Tell it on the Mountain  [ Who dares dis James Baldwin? ] James Baldwin
Gone With the Wind    [ You have read it haven’t you? – stupendous achievement] Margaret Mitchell
The Grapes of Wrath  [ Have a cup of depression ] John Steinbeck
Gravity’s Rainbow  [ need something snarky here but I can’t think] Thomas Pynchon
The Great Gatsby  [ The stupidest book I read in H.S. – avoid it ] F. Scott Fitzgerald
A Handful of Dust  [  There’s Evelyn again; get a man’s name will ya] Evelyn Waugh
The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter  [ Guys, you know you’re gonna hate this] Carson McCullers
The Heart of the Matter  [ Doesn’t Graham have a cooking show?] Graham Greene
Herzog  [ Shoulda named it  Gozreh - ] Saul Bellow
Housekeeping  [ They’re including cleaning manuals on the list? ] Marilynne Robinson
A House for Mr. Biswas  [ Sounds foreign to me ] V.S. Naipaul
I, Claudius  [ Shouldn’t that be Claudius I – Roman numerals etc?] Robert Graves
Infinite Jest        [ Like the title; didn’t read the book ] David Foster Wallace
Invisible Man  [ Had its moments ] Ralph Ellison
Light in August  [ If you don’t know; Faulkner was a major weenie/loser    GAH] William Faulkner
The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe  [ You do own the set don’t you?] C.S. Lewis
Lolita   [  Ruined a perfectly good name – forever ] Vladimir Nabokov
Lord of the Flies  [ I hated it but……..] William Golding
The Lord of the Rings  [ You should own two sets; one a back up just in case] J.R.R. Tolkien
Loving           [ Hating ] Henry Green
Lucky Jim         [  You’ll be lucky if you don’t read this ] Kingsley Amis
The Man Who Loved Children  [ or How to Become a Priest in the Catholic Church ] Christina Stead
Midnight’s Children  [ overrated Iranian ] Salman Rushdie
Money  [ But of course ] Martin Amis
The Moviegoer  [ Thanatos was HUGE, read it instead ] Walker Percy
Mrs. Dalloway  [ Try the movie; forget the book] Virginia Woolf
Naked Lunch    [ Put your clothes on ] William Burroughs
Native Son  [ Any book with “native” in its title is a no-go] Richard Wright
Neuromancer  [ Is this about dead people?] William Gibson
Never Let Me Go  [ Let me go  NOW] Kazuo Ishiguro
1984               [  Pure Pap but popular with the H.S. set] George Orwell
On the Road  [ Another drugging drunk gets published] Jack Kerouac
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest  [ and drugging drunk number two] Ken Kesey
The Painted Bird  [  No comment; none necessary] Jerzy Kosinski
Pale Fire [ Why isn’t Dostoyevsky  on the list?  Now he could write] Vladimir Nabokov
A Passage to India  [ It’s going, going, going GONE!] E.M. Forster
Play It As It Lays  [ Can’t we all just be nice?  Short answer;  NO ] Joan Didion
Portnoy’s Complaint  [ Nobody complains like Portnoy; except Roth hisself] Philip Roth
Possession [ Don’t get bogged down in the title] A.S. Byatt
The Power and the Glory  [ Here’ the dang cook again; thinks he can write] Graham Greene
The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie  [ Stupidest movie of the 60’s] Muriel Spark
Rabbit, Run   [ Depression, I am Thou] John Updike
Ragtime   [ Nice restaurant in Atlantic Beach – lousy book] E.L. Doctorow
The Recognitions  [ Hot Ska band currently touring  L.A.] William Gaddis
Red Harvest  [  A drunk who could write his socks off, and yours too. ] Dashiell Hammett
Revolutionary Road  [ Yada, yada, yada] Richard Yates
The Sheltering Sky  [ Clueless here, must be running out of energy] Paul Bowles
Slaughterhouse-Five  [ Very popular with the dense hippy children of the 60’s] Kurt Vonnegut
Snow Crash  [ Hmm,  like the title anyway] Neal Stephenson
The Sot-Weed Factor  [ Another gardening “How To” manifesto.  Yeech!] John Barth
The Sound and the Fury [ A biography of Howard Dean – if you like that stuff] William Faulkner
The Sportswriter  [ Going, Going, Going, GONE] Richard Ford
The Spy Who Came in From the Cold  [ Loved the books and the TV] John le Carre
The Sun Also Rises  [ Then it Sets ]   Ernest Hemingway
Their Eyes Were Watching God  [ Forget Zora, read Zorro instead ] Zora Neale Hurston
Things Fall Apart  [ Ya don’t say] Chinua Achebe
To Kill a Mockingbird  [ New Legacy DVD just came out;  stupendous book] Harper Lee
To the Lighthouse  [ A Lighthouse in Wolf’s clothing] Virginia Woolf
Tropic of Cancer  [ Can’t we re-ban this loser ] Henry Miller
Ubik  [  Why would you read this book?  Ubik?  What kinda title is that?] Philip K. Dick
Under the Net  [ Don’t even go there] Iris Murdoch
Under the Volcano  [ Not far enough under in my humble opinion] Malcolm Lowry
Watchmen  [ Watch women,  Watch children, Watch Animals  etc., etc., etc.] Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons
White Noise  [ Racist attack on Florida Crackers?  Wait for the movie] Don DeLillo
White Teeth  [ Dental instruction manual; keep your “spit cup” close] Zadie Smith
Wide Sargasso Sea  [ Nice, meaningless title; but nice] Jean Rhys

Well there you have it.  I’ve saved you several years of pointless readings.  Political Correctness is of course huge on the list.  Only the great books will actually survive.  
Oh, by the way  the BIBLE is a timeless read but it didn’t make the list.

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