"HOW SHALL WE THEN LIVE?" Francis Schaeffer

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Harry Potter; His Clinton Years

J.K. ROWLING will be needing help with the plot of the last Harry Potter book.

What we have to this point; Lord Voldemort wishes to rule the world. He’s not a nice guy – kinda Pol Pot, Stalin, Lenin, Hitler all rolled up into one.

For reasons less than totally clear, he tried to kill Harry Potter when Harry was just a baby. This act triggered the media avalanche that has Harry Potter becoming as famous as ELVIS without the hip gyrations.

Harry will be in his very late teens or early twenty’s when the final volume is released. We have a lot to play with here. Just what kinda guy will Harry ultimately be?

It appears to be Harry’s lot in life to go “one on one” or “mano a mano” with Lord Vee. But will he? Ah, there’s the rub.

The following are some of the suggested plots, with titles, for the final volume.

Harry Potter: His Clinton Years
Harry is a charismatic superstar. The people love him BUT he’s developed a penchant for witches of the fast and loose variety (is there another kind?). He has various opportunities to nail Voldemort but that would be unpopular with about ½ the population; death eaters, politicians, and Slytherins everywhere.
Harry learns the importance of talking a good game but actually spends all his time and energy on witches of ill-repute. Hermione hasn’t talked to him in years. Voldemort has nothing to fear with Harry in charge. Harry’s personal motto becomes: “So many witches, so little time.”

HILARY POTTER: The Sex Change Years
Harry decides that girls have more fun and being secretly attracted to Neville Longbottom for several years decides to come out of the closet and find herself. She assures one and all that unless Voldemort becomes more tolerant of gays, lesbians and transsexuals bad things will happen to him. Things so bad they can’t be printed in a teenage fiction novel.

KERRY POTTER: The Hogwash Years
Kerry Potter joins forces with O.J. Malfoy (Draco’s dark skinned uncle) to search every seashore, lake, paradise or golf course until the perpetrator is found and brought before an international jury of politicians where strongly worded messages will be used as a reminder to do what’s right; or at least different, or at least evil in a discreet and nuanced manner.

GEORGE WINSTON POTTER: The Gathering Storm Years
Tired of being called “Harry the Fairy” Harry changes his name, squares his jaw and determines to rid the world of the growing evil. Unluckily ½ the population thinks Voldemort just needs a little psycho-therapy so Harry is ultimately fired even though the power and influence of evil is reduced 80%.

Follow ups may include the Harry Gore years, the Jimmy Potter years, and the Dead Kennedy Potter years. But that’s for another day!

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