HOMER SIMPSON on a roll!

# Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. ... OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. ... Thy will be done.

Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! ... Well, good night.

Here are your messages: ‘You have thirty minutes to move your car.’ ‘You have ten minutes to move your car.’ ‘Your car has been impounded.’ ‘Your car has been crushed into a cube.’ ‘You have thirty minutes to move your cube.’

I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

I may occasionally kill out of anger; or to illustrate a point, but I'm no Grim Reaper!

# I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff. And I want in.

If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken!

I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

I've come to hate my own creation! Now I know how God feels!

Marge, don’t discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals … except the weasel.

Now that happy moment between the time the lie is told and when it is found out.

Operator! Give me the number for 911!


JB here: Homer has presented endless possibilities to the writers of the Simpsons over the years. He is everyman and being a man myself; that is downright scary.